Lets Talk Gay Weddings

excerpted from "The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Weddings" by Tess Ayers and Paul Brown

It doesn't matter if your approach to your wedding is New Testament or New Age; writing your own ceremony or choosing it from existing ones can be the most rewarding process you go through in getting married. Your ceremony is being held so that you can tell the world, or your world anyway, about what your loves means to you and where you want it to take you. What do you want to say about your relationship in public forum? And since a wedding ceremony is like a blueprint for your relationship, what are your hopes for the two of you? And because your wedding can also be an opportunity to teach, what do you want people to learn?

 
You can use any existing ceremony in its entirety, add personal touches, or combine selections from several different services. This is a team effort; the two of you must combine your visions for the ceremony. In this chapter we have included a variety of things you can do and say, but don't let this be your definitive list. Brainstorm, gathering material from a wide range of sources; then photocopy your favorites, go through the copies, highlight anything that grabs you, and add to it. Think of it as ordering from a Chinese restaurant; you know — one from column A, one from column B.

Let's deconstruct your basic wedding ceremony and take it from there. We've seen it broken down into as many as a dozen parts, but for sanity's sake let's simplify it a bit.

The introduction includes anything before the ceremony that leads up to it: the processional (how you get there), a convocation (welcoming the gathering), an invocation (calling on God's presence), a remembrance of those not present, and any opening remarks that the officiant or anyone else wants to make.

The main body of the ceremony is, well just what it says. It may include songs, selected readings, the address by the officiant, a consecration, and prayers.

The vows are the "I do's" or the "I will's" (also known as the "expression of intent") as well as the "I, so-and-so, take you, so-and-so…" They often include a personal sentiment, such as: "Rick, I have always looked for someone like you without knowing it." The vows can be read, recited from memory, or repeated a line at a time after the officiant.

The exchanging of the rings is the principal symbolic gesture; but other rituals of this nature may include the blessings of rings, the lighting of a unity candle, and a flower ceremony.

The pronouncement is the "I now pronounce you – whatever" part, the public proclamation that you now are united in the eyes of your community, a higher power, etc. If you're changing your names, you get introduced for the first time using the new ones.

The closing of the ceremony covers the kiss, the benediction (blessing your union), and the recessional (your exit).

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